In Search of Tolerance Part 2: How To Be More Civil

The early use of the word civility was used to describe the state of being a good citizen or orderly behavior. Later in the mid 16th century it came to connote politeness.

M. Scott Peck writes that civility might have much more to do with conscious intention and awareness. In his book: A World Waiting To Be Born: Civility Rediscovered he makes the case that genuine civility is consciously motivated behavior and not just politeness.

This series on tolerance was created to assist all of us in coming together in community. When we’re unconscious about our behavior, our motives, and the choices we make – it gets in the way of making true heart connections. True community remains on hold.

Incivility creates a wall around us that prevents others from getting in. Our relationships remain superficial. Deep heart connections simply are not possible.

As Peck writes, “We are in need of healing”.

If you’re ready to make a shift towards more civility and improve your relationships, watch this Alignment TV Session.

We return to our teachers Felix and Oscar from the 70s television series The Odd Couple: They Use Horseradish, Don’t They?

In this episode, Felix is competing in a cooking contest and has a solid chance of winning. He’s reaching out to Oscar for feedback and support. Oscar is more interested in meeting women and isn’t engaged until he meets Felix’s competition.

Watch for these four key strategies to improve civility in relationships:

1) Be Available For Others


Notice how Oscar really isn’t interested in Felix’s passion for cooking and doesn’t seem to recognize what this means to his roommate. He’s so busy focused on his own interest; he’s not available to support Felix. And when he’s motivated to meet the other women contestants, Oscar’s faux support is transparent and humorous.

Are there people in your life that only talk about themselves and their fabulous lives? Or, all they want to talk about is their problems and who has done this and that to them? If you have numerous friends with this trait, there’s a chance you resonate with it too. Otherwise they probably wouldn’t be in your world.

When it’s “all about me”, there really isn’t any room for dialogue or discussion with others. It’s just unconscious behavior that’s neither good or bad – it just is. So if you recognize this pattern, try to figure out how to play “jazz” with others when it comes to conversation.

Sometimes you get the solo and other times you’re the back up player for other soloists.

If you’re on the receiving end of someone who’s self-focus dominates conversations, practice lovely them completely in the moment. 

2)  Be Transparent With Your Intentions

Manipulations and covert strategies are a misuse of social power. People can sense this quality at the subconscious level and it feels uncomfortable being around people with this pattern.

It builds walls preventing true intimate relationships. So lose the covert ops, be transparent in all your intentions with others and watch connections deepen.

3)  Forced Outcomes Create Chaos

We live in a make it happen society. It’s been our winning formula and is still taught as the path to success. When you force outcomes with your interpersonal relationship, it’s really a misuse of power and a type of incivility.

Forced outcomes are all me centered and not we focused. There’s no room for collaboration when someone tries to get their way regardless of how it affects others.

While sometimes you may get your desired wish, the fallout can be emotional collateral damage. People remember these occurrences and usually try to avoid this pain in the future.

Watch how Oscar ignores Felix’s advice and decides to pursue Felix’s competitor. It’s funny what happens, but rarely is it humorous in real life.

4) Commit To Being Civil and Watch Others Change

At the end of the show, we get so see what happens when someone stands for ethical behavior. It inspires Felix to do the same.

This is the divine program: stand for civility and it creates space for others to do the same.

Entire movements were created by single individuals that decided to change themselves and be an example. We’re all inspired by people like Martin Luther King jr, Gandhi, Aung San Suu Kyi, Muhammad Yunus, and countless others.

You don’t have to be on the world stage to inspire civility in others. Begin taking small actions towards civility in your interpersonal relationships and watch how it affects others.

Remember, more civility brings personal healing and more peace of mind for you. And that’s a gift worthy of pursuing.

The Top 8 Energetic Benefits From The Odd Couple Alignment TV Episode

1. A willingness to be more civil with your choices and actions with others.
2. A recognition that civility in your interpersonal relationships start with you.
3. The releasing of covert tactics intended to manipulate others.
4. The ability to catch yourself when you’re too self-focused.
5. A releasing of the desire to force outcomes.
6. A new emerging ability to socially collaborate with others.
7. A willingness to forgive others for their incivility.
8. A desire to always be transparent and truthful in everything you do.

The Steps To Energetically Benefit from This Alignment Session:

1. If you haven’t done the Intention Session, then do this first and only once. Think of it as downloading an App on your smartphone. Once completed then you’re ready to benefit from any of our Alignment movies/TV shows.
2. Watch The Odd Couple: They Use Horseradish, Don’t They? available online for free. Hulu has made this available. Click Here for episode. 
3. If you notice a shift in the subsequent days, please pass this blog to someone you know who might appreciate it.

Ready To Align Deeper With Tolerance?
Consider private sessions. When individuals seek private Alignment Process work, they embark on a deeper process of aligning with the power of the heart. The heart is the source of our individual life force. It’s the wellspring of joy and when we’re in alignment, we have inner balance and peace of mind. This alignment creates a new set point for the individual that’s sustained. A type of joy emanates from your heart that creates the life you’ve always desired. If you’re ready for personal and spiritual transformation, consider personal sessions with David Barnes or Sue-Anne MacGregor. Click here for more information: