Technology has evolved beyond our comprehension. Today we’re connected like no other time in history.
Through our phones, the Internet, and social media we’re aware of each other and our every daily experiences from the mundane to life changing events.
While technology continues to evolve at an astounding pace, our emotional ways of being have not kept up.We’re still reacting to each other in similar ways as we’ve always done.
Our intolerance patterns really haven’t changed much.
Ironically, as technology has brought us together, it has also allowed us to live even more solitary lives.
Today you can buy just about anything and have it delivered to your door without connecting with a fellow human, unless you see the person in the brown or white truck that delivered your package.
We created this series on tolerance to provide some alignment tools to help us return to community in our homes and workplaces.
Lets review the ground we’ve covered:
In our first post, we began with some common relationship challenges in The Steps to Better Relationships. Next we turned the discussion to How To Be More Civil, and then Five Ways To Be More Respectful. In our last blog, we moved the discussion towards empathy and compassion.
If you’ve been following the alignment sessions included in this series, then you’re ready to take the steps to more intimacy in your life.
Intimacy is defined as close familiarity or friendship. It’s a belonging together that can only come from an open heart.
We need each other.
Yet we tend to avoid pain and interpersonal conflict, which causes many of us to retreat to the solitude of our homes, resulting in little opportunities to practice tolerance.
Jack Kornfield writes,
“Without tolerance there is no ground for relationship, no possibility of intimacy.”
Lets face it, tolerance requires practice.
It’s a trial and error of learning how to come together. It’s a constant practice of opening the heart and being willing to keep it open.
In the movie, Her (2013, Spike Jonze), Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix) lives a solitary life. He’s in the process of recovering from a unpleasant separation from his wife.
Theodore feels deeply and is able to express his emotions through his job where he writes intimate letters on behalf of others.
Theodore is lonely and wants love again. He’s just not ready, so he buys an operating system called OS1 as his companion.
The OS1 operating system calls itself Samantha (Scarlett Johansson) and she handles all his scheduling, emails, and any other digital needs. Samantha is also able to provide emotional support and love too. As she explains,
“What makes me, me…is my ability to grow through my experiences. Basically in every moment I am evolving, just like you.”
As you watch the movie Her, see the OS1 operating system as a metaphor for the connection to your own heart.
Her teaches us five key ways to open the heart.
1) Recognize The Bricks That Surround Your Heart
We build emotional walls around the heart one brick at a time. These bricks look like guilt, fear, anger, disappointment, and many past emotional experiences. We think these bricks protect ourselves from more pain, reactivity, and hurt.
Yet what we don’t realize is how we’re imprisoning ourselves and keeping others out.
When you can recognize your self-imposed isolation, then begin the process of discovering the emotional bricks that are surrounding your heart. It’s easier to focus on only one brick at a time, and not the entire wall. (When you recognize your bricks, search for an Alignment movie on our website – upper right corner).
Think of this discovery as a “baby-step” way of opening your heart.
2) Be Vulnerable
When you start to remove the bricks, it’s time to allow yourself to be vulnerable. This takes some courage.
It also takes the ability to self-soothe your anxiety.
Most of us resist true intimate connections with others because we don’t know what to do with the inevitable anxiety that occurs.
Notice the scene where Theodore meets Samantha’s surrogate. If he had a practice of self-soothing, he may have been able to continue this exploration with Samantha.
We all have different versions of how this type of anxiety show up in our relationships. Allow yourself to remain vulnerable with others and deeply feel the swirl of emotions associated with these intimate connections. When the anxiety shows up, try breathing through it.
By focusing on your breathing in the moment, you’ll be able to move through these common uncomfortable moments of doubt, fear, and anxiety.
Remember, opening the heart takes practice. Self-soothing is a step that will help you to remain vulnerable.
3) Love Starts At Home
An open heart is one that resonates love. In order to provide this open-hearted love to your deepest connections, you have to first start with yourself.
Without self-love you’re unable to offer love to others.
Notice how Theodore is able to begin loving himself because of what he learns from Samantha. She was safe and initially not a “real-person” to him.
Because of this perceived distance he was willing to explore love and get in touch with how he was really feeling about his recent separation and subsequent divorce. In many ways, Samantha provided a safe environment for him to begin loving himself again.
4) Let Go
The practice of an open heart requires a regular habit of letting go.
First you have to let go of the past bricks that you’ve recognized. Then each time you’re aware of the bricks of guilt, fear, doubt, and sadness reappearing, you can practice letting go again and again and again.
The more you practice letting go, the pain associated with the bricks moves much more quickly and doesn’t get stuck.
The emotion comes in waves and if you’re aware, you’ll notice a growing willingness to continue. You’ll also begin to notice the depths of the heart’s ability to expand. Samantha teaches Theodore this point as she says,
“The heart is not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in size the more you love”
5) Forgive Yourself and Discover Real Love
By discovering your own daily practice of open heart awareness, you’ll become better at forgiving yourself and others.
This may be the most challenging practice to master. Especially for those of us who are hard on ourselves.
Start by expressing the gratitude for your own life and for the people in your life.
When you notice the bricks you’ve built around your heart, love them and forgive yourself knowing you’re doing the best you can.
Notice at the end of the movie how Theodore’s heart is open. He’s now able to move on from his divorce, forgive his wife Catherine, and experiences true gratitude for her in his life. As he writes,
“I’ll always love you because we grew up together.”
Theodore has come full-circle and begins to love himself again. As a result, he’s able to love others too.
He doesn’t have to be alone anymore and begins to experience a whole new set point of tolerance for himself and others.
And this is the beginning of real love.
The Top 8 Energetic Benefits from the Alignment Movie: Her
- An ability to unconditionally love yourself and others.
- The energetic support to remove the emotional bricks that surround your heart
- The ability to soothe anxiety when expanding your interpersonal connections.
- An awareness of how to begin a practice of empowering and loving self-talk.
- An ability to forgive yourself and others.
- A remembering of your connection to your heart.
- A willingness to stay in relationships and work through the uncomfortable occurrences.
- The support to allow love to express itself within you.
The Steps To Energetically Benefit from This Alignment Session:
- If you haven’t done the Intention Session, then do this first and only once. Think of it as downloading an App on your smartphone.
- Once completed then you’re ready to benefit from any of our Alignment movies/TV shows.
- Watch the movie Her in its entirety.
If you notice a shift in the subsequent days, please let us know. We want to hear about your experiences.
Ready To Align Deeper The Power of Your Heart?
Consider private sessions.
When individuals seek private Alignment Process work, they embark on a deeper process of aligning with the power of the heart.
The heart is the source of our individual life force. It’s the wellspring of joy and when we’re in alignment, we have inner balance and peace of mind. This alignment creates a new set point for the individual that’s sustained. A type of joy emanates from your heart that creates the life you’ve always desired.
If you’re ready for personal and spiritual transformation, consider personal sessions with Sue-Anne MacGregor. Click here for more information. Or book an ALIGNMENT Session with David Barnes. Schedule with David Here.